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Find Yourself

What happens when you get lost?

Where do you go?

How can you find your way out?

Why do we even get lost?

There are so many questions I feel like there are no answers for.

I lost myself.

I’m not sure when, how, or even why; but what I do know is that finding myself again has been the most intense roller-coaster ride that I’ve ever been on.


Starting a Path

Finding yourself sometimes sucks.

But no one wants to hear about pain, do they?

No one wants to hear that it’s hard as hell to go down that path where you can barely see the light.

No, no one wants that story, but it happens.

In fact it just happened to me.

As I sat on my couch alone one day and coughed my brains out (I had bronchitis), I started bawling.

And since I have no voice all I could do was internalize everything.

It all came pouring in.

The realization came that if I truly wanted to be free and be me, well then guess what?

I’d have to actually let go.


We Are All Connected

A couple weeks ago my daughter and I were at the grocery store.

We were passing through the check out and the cashier was less than polite.

As we left the store, my daughter looked up at me from the tiny little compartment she likes to sit in the shopping cart and said “why was that lady so unhappy?” and I replied with a generic mom’s reply of “she was probably having a bad day sweet heart.”

And then do you know what my four year old said to me?

She said “I think she misses herself mama.”

My world stopped for half a second while I processed what her beautiful soul could already see and it came to me– if you truly loved yourself could you be anything less than loving to anyone else?

I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment; how we are all connected and how most people are just so lost.


How to Reconnect

What happened to us?

Who stole our souls and how do we get them back?

I know for me personally it had to start with turning off the big beautiful flat screen TV that we all naturally gravitate to.

It’s not natural. Not at all.

What would you do instead of watch TV?

What if you stopped caring what your favorite character was going to do next? What if you no longer cared who won the world series?

Would your life end?

Maybe it could finally begin.

I bet most people don’t even know what they love to do or what they are truly passionate about.


Now What?

It took being diagnosed with cancer to get that kick in the butt.

Don’t wait that long because trust me – it’s a heck of a lot easier to find yourself when you’re healthy.

So, I turned off my TV– in fact I cancelled my cable.

I walked around my house for a bit and I realized: I have no idea what to do with myself.

How is that possible? What did I used to do when I was younger?

I loved to paint, draw, find cool new musicians and fall in love with their beautiful lyrics.

I used to sit and read for hours and study whatever I felt like I needed to know more about.

Then college ended and the real world started – BAM – but, I had forgotten through all these years post graduation that you make your own world.

You create what you desire.

How can I create what I desire if I don’t even know what I want or what I like?  How did I get this lost?

It’s been a slow and sometimes treacherous uphill climb; and like I said, some days I can barely see the light at all.

But those other days?

Oh those other glorious days where nothing can get in your way of love and happiness, oh you’ll do anything to feel that way all the time.


Just Can’t Get Enough

Since I’ve opened myself back up to my spiritual side and went searching for that old soul of mine I have never in my life felt more overjoyed with love.

There are times where I literally feel like I’m going to burst at the seams with pure joy.

Once I let those fake self portraits drop and shatter I opened my life up to amazing things.

The friends that I have made since letting go is absolutely amazing.

I didn’t know these kind of people existed!

I’m getting my life back.

I still have set backs and bad days that royally suck, but those bad days are lacking in numbers my friend.

Those good days are just so good that you can’t help but want more.

How do you get more though?

You must continue on and not give up!

How do you meet these amazing people who truly care, listen and love? YOU need to truly care, listen and love.

Energy in is energy out – expect greatness from yourself.


Love More

How do you find yourself right this second? Go to a mirror and look up.

There you are. You never left.

It’s never too late.

Look into that mirror – really look.

If you don’t like what you see you are going to project that out to the world.

Fill your eyes with tender kindness towards your own soul.

Care what you think of yourself! Would you want to be your friend?

If the answer is yes – ROCK ON! If the answer is no, then you need to slow down and take a good deep look inside yourself and think of how you can be a better person.

At least that’s what I did.

I’m not the same person I was a few years ago and I’m proud of that.

Don’t be scared to start loving yourself. You do deserve it.

It’s ok to turn off the TV and the internet and do something else.

It doesn’t have to be “productive” like folding the laundry or doing the dishes.

Do something purely for you.

It doesn’t have to make sense or look good or be anything to anyone else.

All that matters is that you enjoy every minute of your own company.

Love life- you’ve only got this one to live as you.

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