By Manel Blanco
Most people grow up with the belief that meeting the ideal romantic partner is the answer to their personal quest for love. I agree with the notion that meeting a person to share life with makes it a more pleasant experience at a personal level. However, the answer to learning and understanding love lies in the universal. What we truly are looking for is unconditional love. That love that embraces all and everyone.
Living under the illusion that romantic love is the answer, one will keep searching for that one person. Once we find them, they will match the criteria firmly established through thoughts and beliefs. Every person reunites all loving qualities we seek, but we will fall in love with their uniqueness and personal characteristics, as well as their physical attributes. The belief is, that only when we meet them we can be complete.
At the beginning we convince ourselves that “this is the one.” And it might be. There are people who manage to live with just one partner throughout life.It is not coincidence that for most people this moment never comes in their lifetime.
I have to be in a relationship because I have to be in a relationship simply does not work.
Our understanding of love and relationships varies as we grow. The more experienced we are and if reaching healthier levels of being, the more selective and demanding we become. The other fact is that as we age, we get a better understanding of the self, being more comfortable with the idea of being alone, gaining in patience and considering all possibilities before one decides to begin in a new relationship. The sense of independence grows stronger and there is no longer need to compromise or give it away to the first one to come. Like everything else in life, often we must say no before we get the right yes.
When loneliness is added to the fantasy of romantic love that we have been sold, we are driven by an energy that will make imperative to be in a relationship. Such energy plus the suffocating state of being create an unrealistic need, somehow fuelled by a sense of desperation. The search for love is very real and authentic in everyone. How we find such love and with whom is a very different matter.
If a relationship is the ultimate goal, the motivation is blind and so it’s the perception to identify what our real needs are. At this stage we are open and willing to invite more people into our lives than we would if we were in a healthy state of mind and being. The results can be disastrous, as it is very likely that we end up with someone in the same frame of mind.
The intention to experience love might be most authentic, but two people united by the desperate need of loneliness would find solace only for a period. The search continues within. In this case separation is inevitable, as they both have settled for the first one that appears to fill the void.
A more practical example of this modern phenomena is depicted on social media on a daily basis. Two people meet and ‘fall in love’ one day. What follows from that moment on is a dance of drama, egos and demons struggling to find a common ground. Separation comes shortly after. Drama and demons continue dancing, but now the exhibit is from a more acute state of loneliness and even bitterness. The idea the love was going to solve the problem is dissolved. What is left is a greater sense of worthlessness, affecting confidence and self-esteem.
At this point one can rethink the scenario, be patient and learn about the self or to continue kissing frogs until the prince appears.
There are claims of pain, suffering and heartbreak. One is immediately broadcasting to the world that they are over relationships, as “all men and women are the same.” And in a way they might be right, but from a different angle: we are all looking for love and to be loved. But it might not be with you. This realisation hurts, and what hurts most is the ego.
Ego has been wounded and it’s seeking retribution. The whole male population or the entire female species are to blame for their pain. After the immediate reaction and venting their frustrations to the world, the same person claiming to be over relationships is again in love with someone else and back to square one.
First, no one can be truly heartbroken and fall in love with someone else within two days or two weeks. This is ego at it again, getting another quick fix in order to suffocate the unbearable existential pain of the self. What is happening is that ego has been bruised. It does hurt, and we might even call it heartbreak, but it is essential to understand that we are responsible for our feelings. No one else is responsible for it.
This phase is not heartbreak, but a little insight into it from which people recover soon. When you experience heartbreak you will know it, as it will take you to a different dimension from which only you can come out after going through the feelings and emotions that one encounters there.
Heartbreak is necessary in order to heal. Every failed relationship; every small incursion into it, is what you need at the time. Just know that this is ego suffering and deal with it accordingly. It is not an experience intended to make you suffer, but to separate from ego. Don’t hate the other because they made you suffer for a while. However much it hurts at the time, the outcome might be a small step into the destruction of your ego, but they also invited you into their world for a while.
This so-called heartbreak is the gradual destruction of the ego. It might feel bad and look bad, but there is nothing wrong with destroying egos when the intention was to love. Some people are better than others at it. We call them heartbreakers and their mission in life is to wake you up. After all, you invited them into your life because this is what you wanted to experience.
You put all your faith and belief in one person to experience love, make you happy and give you a sense of completeness. At this stage it might be time to consider and reconsider that relying on others to find what you want, might not be the answer. Love is within. If you cannot find it there, you will never find it anywhere. What you meet and find would be an illusion instead.
Deep inside we all know whether a relationship is going to work or not even before it begins, but if in doubt, we can always check with our egos. The wise will choose advice from the higher self. Both, ego and the higher self are always there. Let’s be more careful who we ask to and what we listen to.
Thanks to manelblanco.blogspot.co.uk for this article